This is a recent question every Nigerian has asked themselves within the past few days because of the incident of Sylvester Oromoni, the 12-year old that died because of bullying, in a school called Dowen College in Lekki. This sad incident has garnered a lot of attention and involvement as we all come together to demand Justice for Sylvester.
This is a good time to remind ourselves about what parenting is and all that involves parenting. This article is aimed towards educating you about parenting most especially in a country like Nigeria.
What is parenting?
Parenting is defined majorly and simply as the act of raising a child or children. It is also called Child rearing in the old times. Parenting involves two parties- the parents and the child(ren). It is the support for physical, emotional, intellectual, social, and psychological growth of a child and necessarily not because of a biological standard. Which means you can parent a child you didn't give birth to.
What qualifies a person to be a parent is the fulfillment of correctly raising a child by the right standards. A lot of Nigerians believe good parenting is going down the drain as a lot of despicable experiences have been shared by other people who went through a lot as a child and even their children's stories.
Good Parenting
Parenting is a key thing all around the world because it is the children raised that become parents in the future so we can afford to parent children well. Good parenting involves a whole lot of discipline, commitment, and consistency, making children feel comfortable yet training them to understand the good and bad. There are days of resilience and building up the kids at their developmental age where it is easy for them to learn and pick up good habits.
Parents must note that children are very sensitive to actions and telling them to do good without acting good is a waste of time because they are easily influenced and will copy what the parents do. So before you can raise your children to the right standard, you must ensure you're also well-groomed as a parent. A bad parent can't parent a good child, there have been different cases about children from broken homes and failed marriages.
Parenting styles
According to Diana Baumrind, there are 4 main types of how parents have been known to parent their children.
The Disciplinarian Parent
These types of parents are the ones that are authoritarian in their homes. It also has its advantages in parenting and the most notable things disciplinarian parents do are listed below:
• Less negotiation: They rarely negotiate decisions with their children and they punish them for major mistakes mostly.
• Lesser communication: We all agree communication has to be a two-way thing, with disciplinarian parents, communication is just one way and they have unexplainable rules guiding the children.
• High expectations: This kind of parents have a high expectation for their children's turnout and they nurture them less, they are majorly around for decision making that pleases them without understanding the needs and interests of the child.
The Permissive Parent
They are also called indulgent parents and they let their children do what they want and offer limited help and direction. They are major friends to their kids than parents. They are the opposite of strict parents and mostly do not have rules guiding the kids and they let them figure their lives out mostly because they tend to be busy.
The most things that permissive parents do are:
• Less direction: As much as you should be friends with your child(ren) you need to understand that they need direction because this is their first time on earth and they don't know things the way you do.
• Fewer Expectations: They do not have expectations for their children, they are warm and nurturing, letting their children set expectations about how high they want to grow and be.
The Uninvolved Parent
They are the ones that are not involved in the lives of the children and they stay out of the way. The children have a lot of freedom to do anything they want to do. Most times some parents consciously decide to be this kind of parent while others are too busy for their children.
The things this kind of parents mostly do are:
• No discipline: Lack of communication makes the children lack discipline and they let the children make decisions themselves and face the consequences alone.
• Little nurturing: Most parents in this category are rich and they believe they are working for the children's future so they tend to think that money will solve everything for the kids without their presence and involvement.
• Less or no expectations: Because they are mainly not involved in the day-to-day life of the child(ren) they may have very little or no expectations for the kids and this even encourages them to make even worse and dangerous decisions.
The Authoritative Parent
The authoritative parents are referred to as the reasonable, nurturing, and exceptional parents. They understand their children and children from this kind of parents turn out to be self-disciplined and can make good judgments and decisions. These kinds of parents are referred to as the best.
They are notably known to:
• Set disciplinary rules and explain the reason behind them to the children.
• They communicate well and effectively with the children's level of understanding and have a relationship with them in that regard.
• They are nurturing and understanding.
• They have expectations in line with the kids' interests and advice based on experience and good standards.
All the parenting styles listed above are just a few of the main ones. Parents must endeavor and strive to bring up their kids in the right way so they become models for what a good child should turn out to be. Many factors affect the turnout for a kid, but the most important one is parenting. You should be a good parent and good parents must come from you too.
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