Why love shouldn't hurt

Love, the unexplainable feeling. Love certainly has meaning to different people. To some is longing to be with someone irrespective of any differences, it's just an overwhelming feeling of togetherness towards another person. Love could be a feeling, an action, or a sense of positive attachment or association with someone or something where benefits are symbiotic and mutual. Love can be easily mistaken for a lot of things like lust or infatuation. But love doesn't have doubts or ill feelings for other people so technically love shouldn't hurt but maybe it could. There are instances where love could hurt but as love always does, it heals itself.

Love could hurt when you get heartbroken in relationships or marriages. In as much as lots of relationships aren't built on true love, break up can hurt but when there is true love between the couple, it would hurt way more. This scenario of hurting is multiplied when a married couple who had overcome the odds and gotten married gets heartbroken. Heartbreak by a loved one could be a devastating blow to not just the emotional part or physical part but also the mental part of the affected body with lots of heartbroken people having suicidal thoughts and even some young adults going through with it. Over 70% of young adults or teens who commit suicide regularly are due to heartbreak. 'Heartbreak' as a lot of youthful Nigerians call it, is one meal that nobody wants to be served with especially if it's from a person who you love. As much as we don't like receiving heartbreak, there are some bunch of people who derive joy in this demeaning act, such people are described as toxic. 

Love shouldn't cost pain but it could. An ideal and related example is the 'Tinder Swindler', famously known as 'Simon Leviev'. An Israeli man specializes in using a popular dating app, Tinder, to swindle innocent and unsuspecting ladies into taking loans with their names to cover his extravagant lifestyle. He would lure such women into falling for him and loving him that it becomes hard for them to doubt him. After he leaves such a woman in thousands of dollars worth of debts, he moves on to the next victim before they figure him out. In such a case, love has been the cause of their undoing, the reason why they couldn't see the red flags even if there was. They are blinded by love that they were entering trouble but couldn't sense it till they were caught too deep. 

Death or imminent death. When we lose our loved ones, it hurts more than anything even breakups because we can't see them alive on earth anymore. In other cases of love hurting, they can all be amended but losing a loved one or knowing that a loved one is going to die is the ultimate blow that can be dealt with. It could be worse sometimes if the loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness which sees them suffer and eventually pass on. Cancer, HIV/AIDS, are a few diseases with almost no cure that are called terminal diseases because the most likely outcome is death. It is never easy seeing someone suffer to death and it hurts even way more if it is a loved one. 

It is known that love can hurt but unlike other feelings, love can be the answer to it hurts also. Recovering from love-inflicted pain is never easy but with a steady process, the affected person can get better and even wax stronger. 

Healing from heartbreaks is not easy at all, one thing that always helps is staying positive. It is usually one of the hardest things to do because all the emotions felt at that moment are negative. If mental health is not paid attention to, more negativity enters and suicidal thoughts begin to creep in. Finding someone to talk to and relate to helps the healing process. Let the person be someone you hold in high esteem or someone you respect, then let the person also be someone that would uplift your spirit rather than pointing out your mistakes and portioning out blames. It is good to know your mistakes to avoid repeating them but at that instant, all the heartbroken person needs are someone to talk to and not point out blame. 

If it is hard to see someone who you can confide in and help through your pain, you could always try therapy. Both public and private therapists would help you through any emotional or mental pain before it escalates. Nigeria also has toll-free hotlines to call you or anybody you know is having suicidal thoughts or even attempting suicide. One thing to always remember is that no problem ever lasts forever and the disappointment today might just be ushering in a better blessing so never give up.

Give second chances, when you are in pain and heal from those. Know that not everybody is the same and that there is someone or something out there just perfect for you but you would never find out if you don't give chances to love or be loved again. If you lose loved ones, know that there is someone who has probably lost more but isn't giving up on life so neither should you. A popular hymnist who had at the time lost his wife and two daughters in a shipping mishap but he didn't commit suicide, he grieved and in that grief composed the popular hymn 'When Peace Like A River. Learn from your mistakes and learn to love again.

Yes, love can hurt and usually does. There is a popular saying that if two people are closely associated but never fight or quarrel over anything then one of both of them is deceiving each other. So love shouldn't hurt but it could but it's all part of life, the only constant thing in life is change so learn to accept change whether favorable or not as part of life. Ritrends.com has more ...

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