Self Control


Self-control is an important part of a person's life, it's important that every human being has control over themselves to be able to tame their desires when they become unlawful. This article is aimed at expatiating self-control and helping people develop self-control and find a balance to living self-controlled life.

What is self-control?

Self-control can be defined as the ability for a person to control themselves under the influence of gaining control and mastery over their self desires, wants, and appetites. For example, a self-controlled individual can ensure that they don't overindulge their illegal and even legal desires or wants. A self-controlled person can do the right things according to standards of priority and ensure they are in the correct direction about life.

Self-controlled persons are perceived to have acquired three habits:

1. Self-preservation

For self-controlled people, their attitude towards things is focused on what they need to be preserved, than what they want. They don't try to exploit others and they make themselves satisfied with what they need.

2. Self-assertion

Self-controlled individuals know how valuable they are, they are gentle with others and know their worth, they don't put themselves or people around them down.

3. Self-fulfilment

People with self-control understand how important it is to not give up on their dreams and put up with difficult challenges. That way they get to fulfill their dreams by being resilient.

Self-control lets us enjoy life in moderation and contentment, we don't live to want too much even while knowing we have what is enough. Self-control uses our reasoning to control things that excite us whether good or bad because too much of everything ends up turning bad.

The overwhelming desire to do something so pleasurable to you and even with the knowledge that what you must do is wrong or in excess may imply that you need to exercise your self-control. Also, in the case of being disgusted at the opinion or idea of doing something that is naturally good, you will need to control yourself for the right reasons.

How to assess your self-control

It's important to consciously access how self-controlled you are. Here's a list of ratings you might want to do to access that. Let's be practical and say for example you want cake. Answer these questions to assess the level of control you have over wanting that cake.

How much you want it on the right occasions and the correct proportion?

What magnitude of pleasure would you derive from buying, eating, or just even looking at it?

The disappointment you envisage if you otherwise couldn't buy it?

After answering the questions above, how do you feel being governed by the desires you have for something in your mind? You choose to go by your desires even with the fact that it may not be profitable to you, which may mean that you are yet to have total control over yourself.

But going through a process like that will assist you to assess your desires and know your level of control over them and be sure if your want is appropriate, important, or even excessive.

DESIRING the wrong things is NEVER a good thing. For you to constantly want something illegal, immoral, or ethically wrong, is regarded as bad for you and there will always be a problem with that.

If you end up doing up something which you know you should not do or something wrong, shame that is driven by a sense of personal disappointment in oneself will help you develop better control next time you're faced with such situations. The self-restraint will come from the feelings from the former experience.

How to develop self-control

Understanding that self-control is about using your reasoning for the right purposes will help you understand that you can develop yourself to be well controlled.

Here's a list of questions you may need to ask yourself when you desire something to put it under check.

What kind of things do you want, and how many do you want? Is your desire a reasonable amount or too many or too few? If you want something that is in a bigger quantity you may need to reecho to yourself that you'll be affected. 

How much do you want the thing? How far can you go to get it? Can you sacrifice to get it? Would you do something illegal, or put yourself in debt, to have it? 

How much pleasure do you get out of it? Do you enjoy it enough that it lasts for a longer time, or do you move on to wanting more of it or even something different?

When do you intend to satisfy your desire appropriately? Is now a good time, or would ‘later’ be more self-preservative?

How much pain do you feel if you do not satisfy the desire? Do you feel overwhelmed by the pain to the extent that it is ruining your enjoyment and that of other people?

Carefully answering all these questions can help you to apply self-control when necessary and appropriate.

Finding the balance of self-control

The key to finding balance is to note that self-control is not about total abstinence or denial it's about finding the right way and manner to live life not driven by selfish wants and desires but things that truly benefit one and others.

Self-control isn't trying to deny yourself what you need but staying in control of what you want. It'll take hard work and discipline to stay self-controlled even amid raging desires. You can find the right balance by fighting through your desires, every tip above can help you overcome the battle of your desires. Having to consider what the difference is between what could be considered as too small, too much, and just right.

Once you find this out, you can then try to fight to always do what is just right, in that way consciously and unconsciously train yourself to be controlled.

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